I Almost Quit . . .

Prefer to listen? Click play to hear the audio recording read by Avree Kelly Clark

13:17

Real talk. Everyone knows that most of what you see and read on social media is curated to share only the best parts. But what often looks like glitz, glamour, or success, comes at a cost. Whether physical, mental, or literal. That’s why I’d like to share with you the times I nearly gave up . . . 

The first time was while writing my first book, Malice Aforethought. I had exactly ONE person who believed in me in those early days, and that was my mother. But isn’t that what mothers are for? . . . To believe in their child when others may not, and especially when that child doesn’t believe in themself. 

That was certainly my problem. 

I think whenever anyone strikes out to write their first novel and says to someone, “I’m writing a book” most everyone gives that obligatory nod—and maybe an imperceptible eye roll—most likely thinking to themselves: Sure you are.

Don’t get me wrong, I had some close family and friends excited to hear my early scribblings, but many of them said something along the lines of “I didn’t know you could do THAT!” or “I didn’t think you’d actually do it!” once I actually published my book. Haha. For which I, honestly, took no offense.

After all, how many people say that they are working on a novel and it never materializes? The stats may be a bit old, but according to a 2002 New York Times report, around 80% of people say they want to write a book. 

Guess how many start?

Less than 15%

Guess how many finish a manuscript?

3%

Guess how many actually get published?

1%

I very nearly did not make it to that 1%. 

I can thank my mom for how and why I was able to get over the finish line. I can’t tell you how many times I bemoaned, “Why did I think I could do this?” or “What made me think I could write a book?” or “Why, oh why, did I pick historical fiction for my first book?” My mom was there for it all and kept telling me how important it was to tell Josie’s story and that no one else was going to if I didn’t and that my book was really good! To which I’d say, “You’re only saying that because you’re my mother.” ;)

My husband is NOW one of my biggest supporters (though, my mom still lays claim as my #1) HOWEVER . . . it wasn’t always that way . . . 

One day my husband came home to my news that “I’m going to write a book.” 

What does one do with that? At that point, we’d been married 13 years, and he was only vaguely aware that I dabbled in writing a book soon after I graduated high school—around the time that I first met him. By 2020 he knows me as the—dreaded—NON-FINISHER. I can’t tell you how many times the poor guy had to put up with my unfinished crafts and abandoned projects. Not to mention the dozens of books on our shelves with bookmarks lodged somewhere in the story that I abandoned for one reason or another. Trust me, my track record as a finisher was not good. (I share this to give fellow non-finishers hope!) So I believe there was a very big part of him that just did not think I would actually follow through.

But that’s never deterred me. I’m one of those people who loves to prove people wrong, and I do love a challenge. I like to, jokingly, say that my superpower is being underestimated. ;)

So, for the next three and a half years, he witnessed me burying my nose in a laptop, sneaking in writing on as many weekends as I could, and sitting up in bed poring over court transcripts and making all kinds of annotations. Though, it wasn’t until Eric read my completed first manuscript that he was more convinced about what I had been up to while looking like Schroeder over his piano all those years. 

But the lightbulb moment for him wasn’t until he accompanied me to various author presentations and signings where he got to witness the reception I received by readers who came up to me while hugging their book, thanking me for writing Josie’s story, and asking for hugs with an intense respect in their eyes. Eric saw the looks—what we call a sparkle—and knew the value of what I’d worked on for more than three years of my life. 

Honestly, I just wanted to see if I could even write and publish a book. For all I knew I only had the one in me. But I decided that, since I proved I could write one book, the real test was . . . could I do it AGAIN? After all, a second book has been highly requested, and here I am, set to release my sophomore novel in less than three months' time!

But it nearly spooked me from ever attempting a third . . .

With that said, I am fortunate that I have my husband’s complete support this time around, because he now knows I’m good for completing what I’ve started. Haha. 

But even still, I came very close to thinking this next book might be my last . . .

You see, for my first book I got away with doing—dare I say—close to the bare minimum, hoping people would be patient and understanding that I may be lacking in other areas since I was doing the near impossible of actually publishing a book. Again, only something 1% of people do! 

So this time around, I knew I had to up my game. 

But I may have put too much on my plate all at once, and it nearly did me in. 

Between designing a new website from scratch, getting a blog and newsletter off the ground and learning how to create imbedded forms, creating a new Google Workspace business email, opening a PO Box, designing an author press kit (one-pager), designing an author logo and selecting branding colors, designing a new author signature to match my branding, as well as ordering new business cards, book swag, and event banners, all in addition to working closely with a cover designer to implement my concept and forking over money left and right to acquire the various stock images for the wrap design. I quickly became overwhelmed having to learn so many things all at once and doing so many things outside of my comfort zone, that I nearly threw in the towel, saying that I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep doing this. Crying, “I don’t think I’m cut out for this.” 

You see, the writing and the research is the easy part—doesn’t even feel like work. But all of the marketing and promotion is way outside of my wheelhouse. It also doesn’t help that I’m a perfectionist and an introvert, haha. But when I tell you the amount of things that have gone wrong IT-wise is unbelievable! Nothing was going smoothly! The amount of windows I had open on my computer in order to troubleshoot something by Googling it and then needing to open another browser just to look up something I didn't understand from that result was astounding. :P I felt like a one-woman show, trying to manage it all by myself.

BUT, I survived and have even learned some valuable skills in the process that will help me for next time, or even be able to help someone else. 

The next big source of overwhelm is the money I’m hemorrhaging at the moment. Some unexpected things and some forgotten, such as the sneaky ANNUAL costs of maintaining the following: 

Wix Website	$204
Domain Names (3 total)	$57
Canva Pro (a game changer)	$120
Google Workspace (business email)	$84
Business PO Box	$88
YEARLY TOTAL	$553

Fortunately, I’m currently on the free plan for MailerLite to send out newsletters, until 500 subscribers. Then there are the infrequent costs, such as maintaining a DBA (Doing Business As) and buying ISBNs (International Standard Book Numbers) in batches. There are also the one-time costs associated with getting a single book published—cover design, editing/proofreading, copyright fee, etc. Authors also have to consider if they want to put their book on Netgalley for $499, in order to get early reviews, or run a Goodreads giveaway for $120 or submit for book awards or editorial reviews or have their book narrated for audio. Last year I purchased the canopy tent and four-foot folding table for outdoor events, and this year I’m investing in various event signage that I’ve designed in Canva.

So as you may be able to see, it all adds up and keeps compounding, which is scary for a small-time author who is paying more for all these things than earning from book sales alone—the rest I’ve managed to cover by my freelance work.

A way that I’m forced to think is: How many books would I have to sell to recoup this cost? 

Now, something the average person, who is not an author, may not realize is that authors earn around $2 to $4 per book sold, so this is most definitely not a get-rich-quick scheme for those just starting out and who don’t have multiple books out. It’s a labor of love!! That’s why I tell any of my freelance clients or new aspiring authors that I encounter who say that they want to write a book in order to be famous, a New York Times Bestseller, or to get rich—with a first book, mind you—that they’d be getting into it for ALL the wrong reasons and should NOT proceed. Granted, every debut author hopes to be discovered by a publisher or agent one day. (In a future post, I’ll share why I decided to go the self-publishing route and if I think I made the right choice.)

Relatively few authors become any of those things, especially with a debut book. Besides, a reader will see right through such a scheme and won’t appreciate an author only in it for those shallow reasons. The craft will suffer if your heart is not in it—and you need a lot of courage, patience, and humility in this business.

Essentially, nothing prepared me for this running of a “small business” and all the big and little expenses that add up. Thankfully, the publishing portion has definitely been much easier this time around, since I’d already done it before.

I’m happy to report that after all those hurdles, I am coming out the other side—all the stronger and wiser—and feeling much better about remaining in this business. The idea is, now that some of these tasks are accomplished, I won’t ever need to worry about them again. And for those things that I will need to do each time I publish, I now have even more experience and am better equipped if a problem should arise. And the point I’m making is that I DIDN’T QUIT!!

I do ALL of this because that’s how much I believe in my books and what I’m doing!

I read somewhere that there is ONE crucial component for whether a book succeeds or not, and that is . . .

If an author believes in their book and how good it is!

Essentially, their passion!

And why is that?

Because if an author is not convinced their book is good, how will they convince anyone else to take a chance on it? If they’re not passionate about their work, why should anyone else be?

I share all of this with you to keep it real and for readers to have a chance to see behind the curtain, so to speak, for what they normally

wouldn’t ever have a chance to see, and for those aspiring authors to learn what is possible, but to be prepared for the various curveballs and expenses that may arise . . . which, admittedly, I went in rather blind. But this means that I have something to offer others, and I have much compassion and understanding for anyone on this same journey. 

Besides, I can’t give up now . . .

I have something very exciting in the works for BOOK THREE!! 

Next time, I will share some of my FAVORITE positive moments of being a newly published author!!